I think many people view motivation the way they might view inspiration or an emotion, something uncontrollable that occurs to us.  They wait for it to strike in the same way they might wait for depression to lift, or anger to recede, or love to bloom or die.  Sometimes it's a long wait.

I view motivation in the category of behavior and action, ie. change your behavior and those actions will affect your emotions.

So when I think on motivation, I think about creating an environment conducive to what I wish to achieve, and a commitment to making it happen regardless of how lackadaisical I might feel.  My initial actions create a mental state more inclined to self discipline.  When we feel disciplined and productive we feel even more motivated to continue.  So we can manufacture motivation in increments simply by deciding to begin.

Sometimes we are naturally inspired into motivation.  This is a gift.

Sometimes we need to pull ourselves from a funk and create it.  This is a decision.

Most people I have found believe that encouraging feedback while the speaker is telling his story, is an important part of active listening.  It may surprise some people to realize that we do not always want someone nodding as if to say, “yes I understand, me too,” when we’re telling a heartfelt story.  Sometimes we want our situation to be appreciated for its distinction, good or bad.  A good listener is one who can stay focused on what they’re hearing, restrain from planning their own response while they’re listening, and abstain from preconceived feedback which includes reflex head nodding. 
 
We can respond to any story through concept or detail.  This allows us the versatility to offer empathy through commonality or astonished appreciation through distinction according to what the speaker might need from us at the time. 
 
When we reduce a story to concept and ignore the details, we can relate to any person, in any situation.  We all understand rage, joy, betrayal, frustration, wonder, etc.  We don’t need to have shared the exact experience or even approve of the experience to relate to it conceptually.  Contrarily, when we focus on the details and ignore the concepts we can appreciate the difference and uniqueness of what we are hearing even if it resembles our own experience.  For example, I have never moved to Dallas for a job without having ever visited the city.  I have, however, moved from Hawaii to NYC on a wing and a prayer.  If I focus on the concept of the stress of uncertainty I can empathize easily with this future Texan.   If I focus on the details of this person’s  particular story then I can see it as completely different from my own.
 
This technique also works to relate to people who are dramatically different from, or perhaps even heinous to, ourselves.  For example, we have never murdered anyone.  However if we needed to relate to a murderer we could do so by virtue of concepts like rage, loss of control, desire for control, misdirected righteousness, etc.  When we expand a situation to its broadest concept, we can relate to anyone, providing that we want or need to do so.  I have never owned a billion dollar business but I can relate to the concepts of power, responsibility, risk, and indulgence.
 
If we listen without preconception, the speaker will let us know how best to relate.  If we are willing, we can then utilize the commonality of concepts or the distinction of details to help them feel heard and appreciated in an authentic way.  But of course,.. we have to be willing.

I had the honor of writing and presenting affirmations to a Women's Drum Circle this weekend.  It was a delightful experience of sound, laughter, dance and connection. 

• We each have within us the potential for ultimate happiness!
• Warriors come in all sizes, shapes and genders!
• We can be both nurturing and fierce, both soft and resilient!
• We don't need others to be wrong for us to be right!
• We are big enough in spirit to promote both ourselves and others!
• We are expansive enough in our compassion to care for others without ignoring ourselves!

First name, last name, title, nickname, does our choice of address really matter? Absolutely.
People get fond of acquiring one all purpose answer that they can use for every occasion. It’s easier. We like to dress up that desire for ease with noble claims like equality and humility.

The Baby Boomer generation, of which I am at the very tail end, took great pride in reducing address to its most casual and equal level. The erroneous thought was that everyone is deserving of the same respect and treatment and that we were all the same in love. I say erroneous because while we are all part of the same whole and all have the same desire for love and happiness, our interrelations are not ever the “same.” Each and every relationship is unique, not only from other relationships but according to the different conditions of any given moment.

I have felt and hopefully demonstrated respect for my sons every day of their lives. I address them by their first names or by endearments. I am quite selective of when and where and in whose company I use those endearments. What might be acceptable in the company of family might be awkward among family friends, and embarrassing in front of school friends, and belittling in front of their colleagues. If either of my sons became a teacher and I had an opportunity to visit him in his classroom and perhaps ask a question, I would address him as Mr. Eldridge. I would do this because it would be appropriate to the conditions. My choice of address would help to maintain an air of formality and respect for the position of teacher. It would also help to role model to his students proper behavior. Where will our young learn these things if not from their elders?

I went to high school with President Barrack Obama. If I were to attend an event where I passed through a receiving line to greet him I would address him as Mr. President rather than Barry which is the only way I have ever addressed him in the past. I would do this because it would be appropriate to the conditions of that specific interaction with that specific person, not because I think he’s better than I am or more deserving of respect.

As a martial art black belt and teacher I am used to people addressing me in all manner of ways: Sensei, Ma’am, Mrs. Eldridge, Myotoshi, Tori, Dude, Girl, Little Missy, Dear Student, you name it. In fact, most of the people I know will use a varied selection of names as is appropriate for the particular conditions. For example one of my teachers might refer to me as Mrs. Eldridge while I am teaching, Myotoshi while I am training in the company of newer students, Tori when we’re training together, and some generic nickname while having lunch. Does this mean that my teacher has less respect for me as a person during lunch?

I was incredibly gratified to hear my youngest son voice these same opinions. He took great pride in telling me that when he works (at the grocery store) he addresses people in accordance to what he deems appropriate ie. Ma’am and Sir to strangers, Mr. and Mrs. to his teachers, first names or generic nick names for peers, but to all he is professional and polite. He brought up this subject to me because he was astounded at how little courtesy and sense appropriateness exists, especially among his generation.

I am disturbed but not astonished because I understand the cause and I see the effect. When those who have gone before fail to role model properly, the society that follows deteriorates.

Non-Violence, like anything in life is subject to the context of the conditions.  Do we stand aside and allow someone to club our child to death because we believe in non-violence?  I don’t believe so.  I believe instead it comes down to motivations and conditions relative to each situation.  If we operate from a position of compassion that allows us to have a sincere concern for others and a sense of unity with everyone, even the threatening person, then we will be able to act in the spirit of non-violence even while we may need to commit violence.

While in Dayton, Khenpo Pema went into considerable depth using the following (paraphrased) examples about how varying reasons can motivate the same actions which can then produce varying results.  I found them illuminating.

1) A person chooses not to kill because of the consequences to himself .  He fears such things as the loss of freedom, salvation, quality of life. 
For these reasons the person does not kill. 
As a result, the community is safer not because of compassion, but rather self interest which may breed more of the same.

A second person also chooses not to kill from a place of compassion.  He restrains himself because he recognizes unity between himself and this other person and has a sincere concern for him regardless of their differences or the offence.
For these reasons the person does not kill.
As a result, the community is safer and perhaps feels a sense of community and compassion arising from this person.

2) In another example a person physically harms another because of strong emotions like anger, jealousy, or revenge.
This person commits a violent act.
As a result a person is harmed and the community feels a sense of danger, isolation, suspicion.

A second person also physically harms another but from a place of compassion.  He acts to prevent that other person from causing injury to others, and in so doing causing karmic injury to himself.
This person commits a violent act.
As a result of this person’s violence, those protected people and the community as a whole feel a sense of safety, optimism, and unity.  The victim is spared the karmic repercussions of his intended actions.

3) In a third example a person chooses to kill him or herself because of emotions like despair, loneliness, or retribution by punishing others with the act.
The person kills him or herself.
As a result, others suffer, some to severe degrees.  The community feels sorrow, confusion, and a sense of helplessness.

A second person chooses to kill him or herself as a dramatic statement to bring universal awareness to a severe condition ie. the self-immolation of Buddhist monks.
The person kills him or herself.
As a result the community is horrified and confused, others suffer.  The condition is brought into global awareness and stimulates numerous debates and news reports.

Everything in life is dependent upon and relative to conditions.  Not only do I think we will confound ourselves by seeking one definite universal answer, but I think that the attachment to finding that all purpose answer will lead us further from the understanding of the heart of wisdom.

Everything exists in context.  To dismiss context is to dismiss reality.  To dismiss reality is to condemn ourselves to endless contemplation of our own limited perceptions – which of course, we do quite often.

It’s staggering how frequently we dismiss the motivations and conditions of events.  Usually we do this when we are feeling disadvantaged or challenged in some way.  In those cases we really don’t want to acknowledge the conditions involved with our unique situation, nor do we want to know about the conditions involved for the other people with whom we have grouped ourselves.

For example, we might feel that someone speaks to us with less respect than he/she does to other people.  If we have decided to cling to this perspective, we do not want to consider that those other people may include his/her boss, parent, spouse, closest friend, teacher, potential client, potential sponsor, all of whom would require him/her to speak in a way that may appear more respectful than the tone of discourse we are receiving.

Another example might be a teacher who pushes us harder and expects more of us than he/she does the other students.  We might feel that this is unfair, both because we have to work so much harder and because we feel others, who are not working as hard, are undeserving of the same accolades as us.  If we have decided to cling to this perspective of unfairness, we will not want to consider the specific circumstances, needs, and learning styles that differ between us.

Distinct motivations and conditions are not just relevant, they are intrinsic to recognizing the reality of an event or interaction.  When we understand this, we immediately see that no two events are ever the same.  Each interaction, no matter how seemingly similar, is a unique engagement that is best viewed through fresh eyes.

On my recent trip, I had numerous opportunities to exchange stories with my friends.  One friend in particular has a particularly impressive collection of stories.  In fact I was marveling at how he was able to recognize a story in the most mundane, non-eventful situations.  It seemed unlikely to both of us that he led a more story worthy life, so we deduced that it had to do with his degree of awareness and ability to recognize significance.  We shared a few more and I vowed to be more diligent in my efforts to be aware.

A few days later in Dayton, Anshu Stephen K. Hayes and Khenpo Pema discussed numerous techniques for promoting mindfulness.  Guess what one of the suggestions was?   Accumulate stories!  Affirmation is so much fun.  Now to be fair, Anshu has told and modeled this teaching continuously over the years but the timing of this statement was particularly keen because I was so aware!

During and since my trip I have made a concerted effort to recognize the significance and story worthiness of the little moments in my life.  Some I will share in this format, others I’ll reserve for conversations, some I might just keep for myself.  In any event, my continual search for the next story has helped to make me more aware.  For this I thank my teachers and loquacious friends.

While on a walk with my husband we happened by a pool of water that had collected on the shoulder of the road.  This pool had been there long enough to grow ample amounts of algae and provide a delightful habitat for a multitude of tadpoles.  We were amazed that so much life had spawned in such a short amount of time.

This led me to thoughts on the relative perception of permanence.  To the frog, whose young will only need the watery habitat for a short time, the pool probably seems permanent.  In fact, as I looked at our local grocery store, it occurs to me that it has “always” been there.
So now I ponder a fundamental difference between the many cultures of the world.  Permanence has a very different meaning to a culture that thinks in terms of one person’s life as compared to a culture that views time in terms of a family lineage, or one that views time in terms of all reincarnations of a single essence.  Is it any wonder that we sometimes find it hard to communicate?

Much of the teachings that I received in both Bloomington and Dayton involved Dependent Origination and the an absence of Independent Origination.  In the case of this blog entry, I’m referring specifically to thought.

As I glance through Facebook status posts I see a wealth of wonderful sentiments.  Some of them come in the form of direct quotations and others are statements that we create like a profound  little poem.  The creations that come from our own minds are personal expressions of our perceptions, interpretations, and deductions.  By that standard they are indeed original but not independent.

Each thought that we have has been influenced by what we have heard, read, seen, felt, smelled, or experienced from our first moment of consciousness.  The footnotes, if we were required to include them, to any statement that we create would be so long as to seem endless.  In fact if I were to begin footnoting this last paragraph I would have to include everyone from the Dalai Lama, Anshu, Khenpo Pema, every friend with whom I exchanged ideas over the week, and on to various other friends, teachers, and strangers with whom I have interacted over the last 49 years, including my husband, father, mother, sisters and sons! 

The last footnoted source, my sons, brings its own fun.  My sons and I have had a ping ponging exchange of knowledge since the beginning of their lives.  Each time one of us receives some input through our own perception, we bounce it around and then put it back out into the world in a slightly new and augmented form, which is then received, bounced, and delivered back again in a new form in the future.  I have watched this evolution of thought and knowledge very consciously over the years.  Truly it is fascinating!  Now I find myself frequently inspired and humbled by the wisdom of my children!  And while strongly influenced by me, their wisdom is without a doubt their own.  This is why knowledge cannot be copyrighted, because thought has no independent origination.

I was in Dayton, Ohio receiving teachings from Anshu Stephen K. Hayes and Khenpo Pema Ts’al. Khenpo Pema shared a wonderful metaphor on non-attachment that resonated very strongly with me and my thoughts on having no preference.

In archery, great joy comes from hitting the target.  Everyone seeks this joy.  Unfortunately a target is very small and hard to hit so many of our attempts will end in failure.  This failure brings us sorrow and disappointment.  If, however, we have no specific target, and instead have the point of view that anything we hit will be the target, then we will always have the joy of hitting the target each and every time we shoot an arrow. – paraphrased metaphor by Khenpo Pema Ts’al